Putin On The Ritz

According to this article, Putin gots somethin' to say regarding movies:

Prime Minister Vladimir Putin Tuesday told Russia's top directors that Russian movies were not attracting big enough foreign audiences and the domestic film industry had to

raise its game "We possess a most rich cinematographic heritage, our films traditionally receive prestigious awards at international festivals but our product does not so far have a mass foreign audience," he said.

That meant that "the goals of economic, cultural and humanitarian influence are not being reached," he told the first meeting of the recently created Council on Cinematography.

Which leads to the question of why we don't yet have a Cinematography Czar in the White House since I believe last week a Czar of Potatoes was announced (Dan Quayle). BUT, it also explains a disturbing snippet from Putin's "vacation in the mountains" recently, where he, um, posed for a sleazy romance book cover?

I don't know about you, but it's all coming together for me now. Pushing for better movies? Appearing all Conan in PR pics? I believe if we looked at Putin's bedroom wall, we might see some fan posters of a certain Austrian movie star-turned governor.

Just a wee note; this is what happens when government becomes way too involved in the country. Your president ends up talking about the movie industry. I'm just sayin'.

ooooooo MadMen

Are ya ready people? It's that time again for the show that makes you want to drink and smoke in your office, drive Ford Fairlanes, and take riding lessons like Betty Draper minus the large heapin' helpin' of crazy. Yes the premiere is tonight.

Mad Men, I admit, starts off hard to follow. It's slow, there are a lot of things going on but you don't know they are important until it's all over and you're like, Wow. But once you get into it it's such a kick-ass show.

And according to pictures, Peggy finally got rid of those awful bangs. Go Peggy!

I encourage you to create your Mad Men avatar. Here's me having coffee with Betty. All that caffeine will go to our heads and we'll start gossiping about the other girls at the club.

Weekly Crunch- Oct 31

Votes!

Tuesday is the very exciting day we've all been waiting for... where we can stop seeing these stupid ridiculous ads. And it brings the special people who approve these messages and their followers stand on the side of the road and wave at you, hoping to change your mind through their expression of cheer. Well, voting day doesn't just have to yield you a sticker that "You Voted" that allows you to shout at every person without a sticker "I VOTED! YOU'RE A JERK!" See what the coting attendant says when you ask for some extra stickers, "for your friends".

Marketing News

Gentlemen are being insulted by the new Axe brand packaging. The Axe Detailer Shower Tool??? Are you (and by you I mean Axe marketers) serious??! If a guy was that dead set about not seeming like a wuss in the shower, he'd just scrape his funk off with a trowel.

I might present a new line of "man items" when I have better graphics software at my disposal. I don't think men are fooled by this marketing ploy. Isn't it kind of more wussy to use a specially fabricated "body detailer tool" in the vein of trying to seem manly, then just, you know, slathering up with a var of Ivory? It floats, you know.

Music News

I've had Bell Biv Devoe in my head all week. It goes between the classic hit "Do Me", and "Poison". I want to ask someone to knock me out. I'll take the theme of Gilligan's Island over this.

I'd like to pass on the pain to any of my 1990's bretheren, along with a literary analysis of the song in orange.

Lyrics to Poison :

[Michael Bivins:] Yeah, Spiderman and Freeze in full effect (We don't know who those characters are.)

[Ronnie DeVoe:] Uh-huh

[Ricky Bell:] You ready, Ron? (asking, no doubt, to see if DeVoe is coherent after his mumbled response)

[DeVoe:] I'm ready (Ronnie confirms his conciousness. Everyone is relieved)

[Bell:] You ready, Biv?

[Bivins:] I'm ready, Slick, are you?

[Bell:] Oh, yeah, break it down (Bell is eager to get on with it, perhaps uncomfortable that Biv called him "Slick".)

[Verse 1: Ricky Bell] Girl, I, must(warrrrrn yoooooooooou) (there's danger a'comin')

I sense something strange in my mind

Situation is (seriooooooooous)

Let's cure it 'cause we're running out of time (Bell has no helpful suggestions as to how to cure it, however)

It's oh, so (beautifuuuuuuuuul)

Relationships they seem from the start

It's all so (deadllllllllly)

When love is not together from the heart

[Hook:]It's drivin' me out of my mind!

That's why it's HARD for me to find

Can't get it out of my head!

Miss her, kiss her, love her

(Wrong move you're dead!) So, really, we find that Bell should not have been warning this girl about anything. She is the poison. He should have removed himself from the situation.

[Chorus:]

That girl is POISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON...

Never trust a big butt and smile (This is the song's thesis statement.)

that girl is POISOOOOOOOOOOOOOON..

("POISON!!" - Kool G. Rap) (Good Job Kool G. Rap! (everyone look appreciative. I don't think this guy is all there. His rap name is Kool G. Rap, people.) Awesome! I like the way you say Poison, like ya mean it!)

[Verse 2:]

[If I were you I'd take pre-](-cautiooooooooooooon)

Before I start to meet fly girl, you know?

'Cause in some (portiooooooooooons) (Hmmm. That's a vocabulary stretch just for some rhyming, me thinks).

You'll think she's the best thing in the world

She's so - (flyyyyyyyyyyyy)

She'll drive you right out of your mind

and steal your heart when you're blind

Beware she's schemin', she'll make you think you're dreamin'

YOU'LL fall in love and you'll be screamin', demon, HOO..

[Rap Verse: Ronnie Devoe]Poison, deadly, movin it slow

Lookin for a mellow fellow like DeVoe

Gettin paid, laid, so better lay low

Schemin on house, money, and the whole show

The low pro hoe she'll be cut like an aaa-FRO (Cut like an Afro? I don't understand)

See what you're sayin', huh, she's weighin' you

But I know she's a loser

(How do you know?)

Me and the crew used to do her! (ahhhh! so is Devoe truly a good representative for facts? He obviously has hidden and deep-seeded issue regarding her.)

POISOOOOOOOOOOOON...

[Kool G. Rap:] ("POISON!!")[Mixing of Kool G. Rap's "POISON!!"] (Good job Kool G.! Maybe after this we'll go for an ice cream.)

[Michael Bivins:]I was at the bar, shake, breakin and takin 'em all

And that night, I played the wall

Checkin out the fellas, the highs and lows (Hmmm. So he swings both ways. Interesting.)

Keepin one eye open, still clockin' the hoes (using a stopwatch, perhaps?)

There was one particular girl that stood out from the rest

Poison as can be, the high power chest (the "high power chest" is something a lot of women ask for when going to a plastic surgeon.)

Michael Biv here and I'm runnin' the show Are you Biv? Or are you scared of the lady?

Bell, Biv DeVoe [Ronnie laughs]..now you know! Yo, Slick, blow.. (Slick has gotten a head cold, and they are helping him blow his nose. It brings up a good point..that the song should end so Slick can go get some rest.)

The Weekly Crunch- September 12

Weather Watch- I've never seen weather people get so excited as when there is a storm. Weather casters are already stationed in the most strategic positions to get the best "action wind shots". If news, it's not the weather. I trust the radar; no need to confirm the journalistic credibility by seeing people out in abnormally high winds.

Paparazzi News: Kanye West got arrested for scrapping with the paparazzi. I would smash their camera too. (and I do, whenever they are following me) People always say, "if you are that famous, you ask for it." My view is, you don't ask to get famous. You work as an actor making no money or as a DJ, or a singer, then you get a role in a big movie, or a record deal (who is going to say no?), people think they know you, and then you're being pursued by a pack of wildebeasts on scooters shouting blasphemies about your mother. I think they need to write a clause for paparazzi that essentially says, you are on your own risk level if you want your pictures. There are nice ones, I've seen it, but then there are some real jerks out there.

A Zoinks! Moment- Okay, if you want quite a spectacle, head on over to the SciFi channel for Destination Truth. The basis is that a team of "researchers" travel the globe in search of living representatives of myths and tall tales. Let's talk about the one episode I watched and ended up yelling at the TV. These dorks go up to to a deep lake in Iceland looking for a Worm Monster. They wait until night, and then steal out into the loch on a wee boat, traveling with a sonar kit but not much else. They travel to the middle of the foggy lake. Then, gasp! they are lost..with, as the voiceover says, "With no GPS or compass of any kind". Essentially these foghats get themselves in Scooby Doo-like mysteries and do the STUPIDEST thing possible. The lead fellow didn't even wear at hat, and starts complaining, "The temparature is dropping, and we are open to the elements." These people are like the stupid people in a horror movie going into the woods after hearing a horrible noise. "Hey! Who's there? Jimmy is that you? Jimmy, haha stop messing around. He...lll. o.....CRUNCH. GOBBLE." It's extremely irritating and entertaining at the same time.
I Elect to Stop Hearing About the Election. I cannot wait until this thing is over. We haven't even gotten to the debates yet. It's historical in many ways, and it's interesting to watch SOMETIMES, but overload central. But I did find this great T-shirt you can buy on http://www.thinkgeek.com.

Howdy

After getting highly inspired by Danielle over at Captain Porkchops, I decided to start my own lil' blog talking about all the stuff I find ridiculous. This way too, my friends and boyfriend can get a break from my ranting. Usually it is current events that get me, or silly ideas, it really can be quite random so I am not going to categorize it and we'll see how it goes.

My first topic. The governor from New York. First of all, even though I was born in the state, I had no idea this guy was governor. Name is Spitzer. Which is gross. But most alarmingly, why does he look like a DEMON? Acckkk! Look at his demon eyes! Well, he just got busted for enjoying ladies of the night apparently in our own local town of DC.

So, I think well maybe this is just one demonic picture of him. Nay, friends.Check out demonic Spitzer to the left, where he's wearing his politician frowny face. With his wife who apparantly has had her soul sucked out of her by the Spitzer.

By the way, if you are going to be a jerk and go see prostitute and you are a politician, gee whiz, no better way to go about it then that little town called OUR NATION's CAPITAL. No one is looking for dirt there on political figures, excellent choice.