Sayings

There are some saying roaming around out there that really get my goat. And "get my goat" is not one of them, because goats are fantastic.

At my company, our marketing director, who is a great guy, sadly used the term, "Save The Date". I HATE this phrase. Save the date? From what? Imminent disaster? Is the calendar going to eat it? I also resent the indication that the Date needs some sort of sympathy and therefore I should appeal to my better nature to save it. You know what? That's enabling the date to continue it's charade of hard times and keep putting off growing up and getting a life together for itself. It makes me want to schedule all sort of crap on that day to overwhelm the date.

I used to work at a military command center (which makes me sound way tougher than I am) and there was an Army LtCol. there who would always use the word "poop". Especially in the following context, "WHAT'S THE POOP?" "YOU GOT THE POOP ON THAT?" Guess what? Serious military command centers all of a sudden take on a Barney-like atmosphere when people of supposed rank are running around using the word poop.

Which leads me to the words I hate the most. Body parts/functions that are made to sound cutesy. For your consideration: 1)Peepers 2)Tootsies 3)Heine 4) Tinkle.

What sayings piss you off, gentle reader?

The Popemobile!

From CNN.com: The pope will be making his way around parts of Washington in the popemobile, a Mercedes Benz modified with bulletproof glass surrounding a seating area from which the pope can wave to bystanders along his route.The vehicle, one of three popemobiles in the Vatican motor pool, arrived in the United States last week. It will be driven by a Secret Service agent. The agents have been training with the vehicle. "We try best-case scenarios and also try worst-case scenarios so our staff will know how to react," said Secret Service Special Agent Renee Triplett, who oversees Secret Service training.

Best-case and worst-case scenarios for the PopeMobile??! AWESOME. I am a tech writer, and if only I got to write training instructions such as these...

Best-Case
1. Secret Service Popemobile Driver is thanked by God when it starts raining donuts! Stay under bulletproof glass while donuts rain down. When storm of deliciousness is over, jump into street to reap the harvest.

2. Pope demands impromptu view of cherry blossoms, but demands driver go at Transporter-like car speeds! Drive like the Pope tells you to, and as Jason Statham would want you to. You've been training since Transporter I for this.

3. There are strange noises coming from that shack over there! If the Pope wants to, go check it out. But ensure that Mystery Machine is behind PopeMobile. Also ensure when you unveil Dick Cheney as the culprit, and he says he would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that meddling Pope, make sure everyone laughs. Ensure one Secret Service agent wears an appropriate ascot.

Worst-Case
1. Pope sees "Eggs Benedict" special on local Denny's sign and complains about copyright infringement. Keep driving, even if His Holiness demands you pull over. If necessary, have other agent tell Pope that Denny's is a very important Catholic rectory in DC. and Eggs is short for excellent. Crazy Americans!

2. Dalai Llama is scheduled for same car route. Have their people time it so that they don't see each other. If they do, just ensure they aren't wearing the same robes. How embarrassing. Also scout area for Joan Rivers.

Ok, I've run out of ideas. But it was fun while it lasted.