October 17- Weekly Crunch Pumpkin Edition

The Crunch has been a little inactive lately. Hopefully getting back on the right track.

Politics
Heavens to Betsy, is it over yet? I'm going to run to my poll on Election Day kicking my heels up to not see more debate, ads and new stories on the election. You know what's creepy? When they are debating, and one candidate starts talking, and the other one just starts quietly smirking and laughing. Isn't that kind of odd? It's like they are kids being talked to at the dinner table by their parents. An eye roll or a big sigh would do nicely with the scenario as well, since that's what they are going for.

And then the post-debate discomfort hug (as seen in picture):

"Ok Mom and Dad we're making up. Ok, that's enough. Let go!"
"I'm not letting go until you do."
"We're going to get in trouble again. Quit It!"


Advertising

Remember when I went all karate chop on Sherwin Williams? Well, I was driving and once again saw a truck with a disturbing logo. This time it was the motto that got me.







Does America truly have a "favorite mushroom"? Mushrooms grow in the wet nasty parts of the woods. Now, I eat them, but I don't want to think about them too hard, cause they are kind of gross. I think it's a stretch to claim that our nation has a favorite mushroom. I gamble that if you asked them, 75% would giggle and say, "uh...magic mushrooms?" Not: "Giorgio mushrooms are the best tasting fungus around!! They're a NATIONAL FAVORITE!"

"DaDalala break me off a piece of that... gross. mush. room."

Communications

The other day I was driving and acidentally hit the AM station button. Some pleasant lady talking about fire and damnation was on. I don't really understand why there is still AM radio. Am I missing something? Wikipedia offers some suggestions, including... Some musical genres – particularly country, oldies, nostalgia and ethnic/world music – survive on AM, especially in areas where FM frequencies are in short supply or in thinly populated or mountainous areas where FM coverage is poor. That's understandable. But couldn't the technology be updated? There are satellite radio services, but why is there no satellite free service with lots of advertising? It's nostalgic, I'll give you that, especially with that ol' time crackly sound, but with podcasts, internet technologies, satellites you'd think it would become obsolete. I'm intrigued. (Awesome old dude photo courtesy of johnnyb4, Johnny Barker's awesome photography gallery here. Overuse of word Awesome? Priceless.)

Fight or Flight

Okay, so I was coming back from Florida and was not in the best of spirits. My dad is battling cancer, and it sucks and I just wanted to listen to my ipod and stare out the window.

Lo and behold, the following stereotypical items all happened to me:
1. The 6- year old child behind me kept kicking my seat. Hard. Apparently grandma thought was ok for little precious to do this, unbuckle her seatbelt during takeoff, put her feet up on the window, and jump up and down on the seat mid-flight. Now I have a lot of respect for parents when they bring their little ones onto a plane. It’s challenging, I know. So I was proud of myself at first for putting up with it quietly. When I did start making the passive-aggressive head motion of looking behind me, grandma started glaring at me. And that’s when I started to get pissed. But apparently not as much as the flight attendant, who came by every five minutes to tell the girl to get in her seat because, as she put it the third time, "the plane can hit turbulence and you'd hit your head".

2. Really tall guy sits next to me. That’s fine, airplane seats suck, not his fault. But it was his fault that he had to read the paper like he was sitting in a booth getting his shoes shined. He was so in my bubble. It’s not the Bible, dude; fold those pages.

3. Every 20 minutes, somebody let loose with an obnoxious fart that wafted over the cabin like a storm that never ends.

They say that we Americans are the worst with having to have personal space. I don’t know how other cultures do it. The Japanese people pretty much are crammed like sardines into trains. Maybe I need to go to one of these highly populated small countries, come back, and I’ll feel like I have a seat in first class.

The Popemobile!

From CNN.com: The pope will be making his way around parts of Washington in the popemobile, a Mercedes Benz modified with bulletproof glass surrounding a seating area from which the pope can wave to bystanders along his route.The vehicle, one of three popemobiles in the Vatican motor pool, arrived in the United States last week. It will be driven by a Secret Service agent. The agents have been training with the vehicle. "We try best-case scenarios and also try worst-case scenarios so our staff will know how to react," said Secret Service Special Agent Renee Triplett, who oversees Secret Service training.

Best-case and worst-case scenarios for the PopeMobile??! AWESOME. I am a tech writer, and if only I got to write training instructions such as these...

Best-Case
1. Secret Service Popemobile Driver is thanked by God when it starts raining donuts! Stay under bulletproof glass while donuts rain down. When storm of deliciousness is over, jump into street to reap the harvest.

2. Pope demands impromptu view of cherry blossoms, but demands driver go at Transporter-like car speeds! Drive like the Pope tells you to, and as Jason Statham would want you to. You've been training since Transporter I for this.

3. There are strange noises coming from that shack over there! If the Pope wants to, go check it out. But ensure that Mystery Machine is behind PopeMobile. Also ensure when you unveil Dick Cheney as the culprit, and he says he would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that meddling Pope, make sure everyone laughs. Ensure one Secret Service agent wears an appropriate ascot.

Worst-Case
1. Pope sees "Eggs Benedict" special on local Denny's sign and complains about copyright infringement. Keep driving, even if His Holiness demands you pull over. If necessary, have other agent tell Pope that Denny's is a very important Catholic rectory in DC. and Eggs is short for excellent. Crazy Americans!

2. Dalai Llama is scheduled for same car route. Have their people time it so that they don't see each other. If they do, just ensure they aren't wearing the same robes. How embarrassing. Also scout area for Joan Rivers.

Ok, I've run out of ideas. But it was fun while it lasted.

Happy Spring!

I must confess I am not a huge Easter person. I am much more apt to enjoy the notion of a new spring. Regardless of religious orientation, there are a variety of things that make me uncomfortable with Easter. Keep in mind that while I was brought up by hippies who spurned their Catholic roots, those roots go deep.

1. Passion Play Drive-Thru: Hey, kids, when you want to watch a man tortured to death because of YOUR sins, but don't have a lot of time, find a Passion Play drive-thru. Honk your horn if the guy in front of you is going too slow.

2. Passion of the Christ. I have not seen the film, but Dave has, and he said a guy went into the theater with a plate of nachos. DO PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT? Needless to say, the guy did not eat his nachos.

3. Chocolate Crosses. Fine bits of delicious chocolate from Russell Stover.

These treats are the first in the "horrifying death" series. Next, the chocolate rack ,and the kids will love chocolate thumbscrews.

4. Dying Eggs. Every year I think I'll like it. Every year I use that dang metal egg holder, the egg slips out and my wonderful design scheme of half red and half blue turns into nasty gray brown. I get pissed.

However, in lieu of these negativities, I highly approve of toddlers running around in an egg hunt, and getting very excited to find an egg. Cause, you know, it's an egg. And they get so excited. Super cute. Also, giant gift-giving bunny: awesome. Basket full o' treats (no chocolate crosses)=good. Chocolate Cadbury Cream Eggs and Peanut Butter Eggs....excellent. No more snow and daffodils popping up..lovely.

Howdy

After getting highly inspired by Danielle over at Captain Porkchops, I decided to start my own lil' blog talking about all the stuff I find ridiculous. This way too, my friends and boyfriend can get a break from my ranting. Usually it is current events that get me, or silly ideas, it really can be quite random so I am not going to categorize it and we'll see how it goes.

My first topic. The governor from New York. First of all, even though I was born in the state, I had no idea this guy was governor. Name is Spitzer. Which is gross. But most alarmingly, why does he look like a DEMON? Acckkk! Look at his demon eyes! Well, he just got busted for enjoying ladies of the night apparently in our own local town of DC.

So, I think well maybe this is just one demonic picture of him. Nay, friends.Check out demonic Spitzer to the left, where he's wearing his politician frowny face. With his wife who apparantly has had her soul sucked out of her by the Spitzer.

By the way, if you are going to be a jerk and go see prostitute and you are a politician, gee whiz, no better way to go about it then that little town called OUR NATION's CAPITAL. No one is looking for dirt there on political figures, excellent choice.