ooooooo MadMen

Are ya ready people? It's that time again for the show that makes you want to drink and smoke in your office, drive Ford Fairlanes, and take riding lessons like Betty Draper minus the large heapin' helpin' of crazy. Yes the premiere is tonight.

Mad Men, I admit, starts off hard to follow. It's slow, there are a lot of things going on but you don't know they are important until it's all over and you're like, Wow. But once you get into it it's such a kick-ass show.

And according to pictures, Peggy finally got rid of those awful bangs. Go Peggy!

I encourage you to create your Mad Men avatar. Here's me having coffee with Betty. All that caffeine will go to our heads and we'll start gossiping about the other girls at the club.

I'll take an order of Awkward

Why on earth have they not updated the womanly vending machines in public bathrooms? Every single one is like a throwback to 1965, with old font, and complete with the term "sanitary napkin" which describes the 4" thick brick that is dispensed. What the deuce? They now have vending machines in the airport that dispense Best Buy technology. Surely Playtex could come up with something.

When I was five I went to my brother's chorus concert with my mom at the school. I went to the bathroom that was just outside the gym; I knew where it was because I went to school there too, thankyouverymuch. So what did my mother see when I returned? I walked into the gym with a maxi pad on my head.

There's a very good explanation. (good=made sense to me) On those ARCHAIC vending machines in the bathroom there was a picture of a nurse. With a hat on. And since at the school they were free, I turned that metal lever and got me a hat with a nice sticky side to make sure it doesn't fall off your head.

I don't think my mother let me go to the bathroom by myself after that until I was 16. So, although that's one of my favorite "Kathleen was a Strange Child" stories, of whic

h there are too many, I think the whole genre of womanly vending machines needs to be updated.

Anyway, in other lands...

Ok, the beer meeting was ridiculous. I think mojitos would have been a better choice. I haven't seen something so awkward since I walked out of a restroom with a maxi pad on my head. They are planning on meeting again as well. Maybe they can meet in a setting that wasn't planned by your seventh-grade drama teacher.

Meat Market

Sorry I've been away (for a half year). I've been working on getting my own business launched. But I need to remember the important things in life, like mocking advertising.

Let's start off by saying these meat ads are disturbing and not at all appetizing. I'm an on-the-fence vegetarian anyway. Raw meat just grosses me out but I haven't made the big switch yet cause I still loves me a cheeseburger. However, these ads just hasten my decision. 

I mean, what they are saying here is that it's an excellent idea to live in a land made of dead cooked animal flesh. And I must object. Also disturbing is the "greenery" that is growing on the beef. Much to my delight, I am not the only one:

http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/07/beef-ads-its-wh.html

I don't really understand advertisements for staple items anyway. Like the whole cheese campaign. They act like we have forgotten that cheese exists. Like if I see an advertisement of giant wheels of cheese I'm going to run out and get some. No one forgets about cheese. It's delicious.

On a completely unrelated note, I was standing in the grocery store checkout line the other day, my eyes roaming the magazines, and I took great disturbance in the recent Washingtonian Magazine cover:

Yes,it's shirtless President Obama and the caption says "26 Reasons to Love Living Here. Reason #2: Our New Neighbor is Hot."

Um, people, I know it's exciting to have a president that doesn't look like the old guys from the Muppets. But that cover is just cringe-worth embarrassing. It makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I'm in sixth grade and NKOTB (New kids on the block, for you SQUARES) just ran by. Or, I feel like I am 30 and all of my peers are screaming because NKOTB ran by again. (They are on a reunion tour; I think some of my friends have dragged their old posters out and affixed them to their ceilings).

Anyway, Washingtonian, just be cool, Greg Brady style. He'll never notice you if you're too accessable. 

The Most Awesome Eulogy Ever

British Baron Dai Llewellyn passed away yesterday. He was 61.

Don't know who Dai Llewllyn is? Well I didn't either. Until I read his eulogy. It's hilarious. It makes Hugh Hefner look like a snooze-bag. His nickname was Seducer of the Valleys (he was from Wales, or you could take it as something else.) A few key points:

• Paul Callan, the journalist, recalled: 'He told me about a hilarious episode of having three debs in a bed, each of whom he was happily servicing, while a Mexican band stood naked around the bed serenading them.'
• In 2005 he slipped away with another man's date to a discreet bedroom. Things were going well, Sir Dai said, until 'the corner of the bed started to go'. Then, he said: 'We plunged through the floorboards and a wardrobe fell on top of us'.
• Sir Dai told such stories with a gusto that was infectious. He would never get up in the morning planning to make love to three women, he would say, adding 'but if it happened, it happened'.
• Taki Theodoracopulos, the Greek shipping heir, said: 'He was always short, yet he always went first class. He didn't have the kind of money other people had, but I never saw him as a hanger-on. He had his pride.'
• One of the things he was proud of was his prodigious ability to consume alcohol, yet remain sober. In an interview at the hospice last November he said he once drank eight bottles of wine, a bottle of rum, a bottle of port and a bottle of vodka in one night, yet in the morning he was perfectly lucid.

A few key comments:

• He had children. Can you IMAGINE if this guy was your GRANDPA?"Aaaghh, gramps is telling the menage trois story again..we've heard this a million times!"
• Who are these Greek shipping heirs???! They pop up in all cultures and societies. WHY WAS GREEK SHIPPING SO PROFITABLE? Does anyone know? ANYONE?
• Baron Dai could be responsible for the continuation of the British words: dandy, rake, scoundral, and perhaps randy

Well, old fellow, I salute you. Your eulogy was not boring, and even if your stories were a wee bit blown out of proportion, (but you never know with these guys) it was one of the most entertaining reads I've come across. Now go throw some parties in heaven.

Online Shopping Deal of the Week!

A bedroom set that the furnishings on The Love Boat would rival. Dog sold separately.

A Crunchier 2009?

Well I do have a lot of fun on this little blog o' mine. A suggestion I've gotten to get some more readers is to update on a regular basis. Well, what a jolly good idea. So for 2009, I'll be attempting to stick to some sort of schedule that updates regularly. In addition, I'll be messing around with some new layouts. Whoever does read the Crunch, I appreciate you reading and hope to see you in 2009 for a great new year. Cheers and Blessings, Kathleen

P.S. Thanks to all who participated in the Thaddeus Chan poll. Sorry, Thaddeus, the people have spoken. 

Royal Ties

With all of the hoopla surrounding the recent Blagojevich senate seat swindle, you'd think people would not be as eager to announce they are talking to Hillary Clinton about "their interest in her seat." (Not to mention, it just doesn't sound good.)

Errr, what exactly is the process for replacing a Senator? New York Governor David Paterson is responsible for picking out the temporary replacement, and all of a sudden there is a rush of people eager to fill the bill. It just seems so...unofficial. I don't understand why there can't be a vote...seems like a big decision for one person.

Not to mention, a voteless decision is a contest for those who have political ties, not those who the public is in favor of. As such, a bunch of political ragamuffins have started talking about how they might want the seat, like it's a Christmas present. "Well, I might want that....." Caroline Kennedy Straussberg ditched the Straussberg part of her name and is running as a Kennedy! Just doesn't seem quite right. Has New York been informed we are now under our own rule, and don't have to follow the political royal bloodlines?

Moving on to other things that don't seem right, but are royal.... Burger King has come out with a man's body spray that has “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

http://www.firemeetsdesire.com

Okay, whoever at Crispin Porter + Boguski advertising is seriously coming up with some loony ideas. Well done!