A Dubious GOOP recommendation

I subscribe to the online newsletter GOOP from Gwenyth Paltrow. The idea behind it is that Gwenyth shares recipes and lifestyle resources from her life. I like it. It's simple and classic. Some people find Gwenyth off-putting because she comes off like a snob. I like the fact she doesn't get overly excited with the attention she gets. She and Chris Martin do a good job in protecting their marriage and family from the papparazzi.

I just received my issue of GOOP - ideas for holiday shopping. He-zah! I love finding cool new sites with neat items...Wait a second....

Gwenyth, are you kidding me?

Customized leather is fine, but really?A FLYSWATTER made of leather?

Who is swatting these flies, John Wayne? And do you truly want to step out as a intense killer of flies because that's what people think when you brandish a leather flyswatter with your INITIALS on it.

Do you think that your initials will be emblazoned on the fly carcass as a warning to other flies?? There are a few men I can think of that could even remotely having a chance of pulling this off; one of them being:

Putin On The Ritz

According to this article, Putin gots somethin' to say regarding movies:

Prime Minister Vladimir Putin Tuesday told Russia's top directors that Russian movies were not attracting big enough foreign audiences and the domestic film industry had to

raise its game "We possess a most rich cinematographic heritage, our films traditionally receive prestigious awards at international festivals but our product does not so far have a mass foreign audience," he said.

That meant that "the goals of economic, cultural and humanitarian influence are not being reached," he told the first meeting of the recently created Council on Cinematography.

Which leads to the question of why we don't yet have a Cinematography Czar in the White House since I believe last week a Czar of Potatoes was announced (Dan Quayle). BUT, it also explains a disturbing snippet from Putin's "vacation in the mountains" recently, where he, um, posed for a sleazy romance book cover?

I don't know about you, but it's all coming together for me now. Pushing for better movies? Appearing all Conan in PR pics? I believe if we looked at Putin's bedroom wall, we might see some fan posters of a certain Austrian movie star-turned governor.

Just a wee note; this is what happens when government becomes way too involved in the country. Your president ends up talking about the movie industry. I'm just sayin'.

Professionals are Starstruck Over Giant Rat

In Papau New Guinea, they found a species of giant rat. A species which I want to hug.

Also, kudos to cameraman Gordon Buchananan, who was just informed he's made Mr. March for his action pose next to said giant rat in the 2010 wildlife photogs calendar.

According to CNN:

George McGavin, a Research Associate at the Oxford University Museum of Natural History and The Department of Zoology of Oxford University told CNN: "It's hard to be sure exactly how many new species we have found, but it is more than 30.

"To find new species of insects in this region isn't uncommon, but we found sixteen new frog species, one new bat species and at least three new fish, and this giant bloody rat -- the size of a cat. Amazing!"

A giant bloody rat! That's science-talk for jolly good fun. Seriously, these researchers have to be having the best time ever. I love it when scientists get all excited. Let's keep in mind these are the folks that shouted for joy in high school biology when they removed a frog's pancreas and brandished it in the air and the rest of us choked back bile.

ooooooo MadMen

Are ya ready people? It's that time again for the show that makes you want to drink and smoke in your office, drive Ford Fairlanes, and take riding lessons like Betty Draper minus the large heapin' helpin' of crazy. Yes the premiere is tonight.

Mad Men, I admit, starts off hard to follow. It's slow, there are a lot of things going on but you don't know they are important until it's all over and you're like, Wow. But once you get into it it's such a kick-ass show.

And according to pictures, Peggy finally got rid of those awful bangs. Go Peggy!

I encourage you to create your Mad Men avatar. Here's me having coffee with Betty. All that caffeine will go to our heads and we'll start gossiping about the other girls at the club.

I'll take an order of Awkward

Why on earth have they not updated the womanly vending machines in public bathrooms? Every single one is like a throwback to 1965, with old font, and complete with the term "sanitary napkin" which describes the 4" thick brick that is dispensed. What the deuce? They now have vending machines in the airport that dispense Best Buy technology. Surely Playtex could come up with something.

When I was five I went to my brother's chorus concert with my mom at the school. I went to the bathroom that was just outside the gym; I knew where it was because I went to school there too, thankyouverymuch. So what did my mother see when I returned? I walked into the gym with a maxi pad on my head.

There's a very good explanation. (good=made sense to me) On those ARCHAIC vending machines in the bathroom there was a picture of a nurse. With a hat on. And since at the school they were free, I turned that metal lever and got me a hat with a nice sticky side to make sure it doesn't fall off your head.

I don't think my mother let me go to the bathroom by myself after that until I was 16. So, although that's one of my favorite "Kathleen was a Strange Child" stories, of whic

h there are too many, I think the whole genre of womanly vending machines needs to be updated.

Anyway, in other lands...

Ok, the beer meeting was ridiculous. I think mojitos would have been a better choice. I haven't seen something so awkward since I walked out of a restroom with a maxi pad on my head. They are planning on meeting again as well. Maybe they can meet in a setting that wasn't planned by your seventh-grade drama teacher.

Meat Market

Sorry I've been away (for a half year). I've been working on getting my own business launched. But I need to remember the important things in life, like mocking advertising.

Let's start off by saying these meat ads are disturbing and not at all appetizing. I'm an on-the-fence vegetarian anyway. Raw meat just grosses me out but I haven't made the big switch yet cause I still loves me a cheeseburger. However, these ads just hasten my decision. 

I mean, what they are saying here is that it's an excellent idea to live in a land made of dead cooked animal flesh. And I must object. Also disturbing is the "greenery" that is growing on the beef. Much to my delight, I am not the only one:

http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/07/beef-ads-its-wh.html

I don't really understand advertisements for staple items anyway. Like the whole cheese campaign. They act like we have forgotten that cheese exists. Like if I see an advertisement of giant wheels of cheese I'm going to run out and get some. No one forgets about cheese. It's delicious.

On a completely unrelated note, I was standing in the grocery store checkout line the other day, my eyes roaming the magazines, and I took great disturbance in the recent Washingtonian Magazine cover:

Yes,it's shirtless President Obama and the caption says "26 Reasons to Love Living Here. Reason #2: Our New Neighbor is Hot."

Um, people, I know it's exciting to have a president that doesn't look like the old guys from the Muppets. But that cover is just cringe-worth embarrassing. It makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I'm in sixth grade and NKOTB (New kids on the block, for you SQUARES) just ran by. Or, I feel like I am 30 and all of my peers are screaming because NKOTB ran by again. (They are on a reunion tour; I think some of my friends have dragged their old posters out and affixed them to their ceilings).

Anyway, Washingtonian, just be cool, Greg Brady style. He'll never notice you if you're too accessable. 

The Most Awesome Eulogy Ever

British Baron Dai Llewellyn passed away yesterday. He was 61.

Don't know who Dai Llewllyn is? Well I didn't either. Until I read his eulogy. It's hilarious. It makes Hugh Hefner look like a snooze-bag. His nickname was Seducer of the Valleys (he was from Wales, or you could take it as something else.) A few key points:

• Paul Callan, the journalist, recalled: 'He told me about a hilarious episode of having three debs in a bed, each of whom he was happily servicing, while a Mexican band stood naked around the bed serenading them.'
• In 2005 he slipped away with another man's date to a discreet bedroom. Things were going well, Sir Dai said, until 'the corner of the bed started to go'. Then, he said: 'We plunged through the floorboards and a wardrobe fell on top of us'.
• Sir Dai told such stories with a gusto that was infectious. He would never get up in the morning planning to make love to three women, he would say, adding 'but if it happened, it happened'.
• Taki Theodoracopulos, the Greek shipping heir, said: 'He was always short, yet he always went first class. He didn't have the kind of money other people had, but I never saw him as a hanger-on. He had his pride.'
• One of the things he was proud of was his prodigious ability to consume alcohol, yet remain sober. In an interview at the hospice last November he said he once drank eight bottles of wine, a bottle of rum, a bottle of port and a bottle of vodka in one night, yet in the morning he was perfectly lucid.

A few key comments:

• He had children. Can you IMAGINE if this guy was your GRANDPA?"Aaaghh, gramps is telling the menage trois story again..we've heard this a million times!"
• Who are these Greek shipping heirs???! They pop up in all cultures and societies. WHY WAS GREEK SHIPPING SO PROFITABLE? Does anyone know? ANYONE?
• Baron Dai could be responsible for the continuation of the British words: dandy, rake, scoundral, and perhaps randy

Well, old fellow, I salute you. Your eulogy was not boring, and even if your stories were a wee bit blown out of proportion, (but you never know with these guys) it was one of the most entertaining reads I've come across. Now go throw some parties in heaven.