Weekly Crunch- November 14

The Weekly Crunch- November 14, 2008
Holiday Shopping Edition!

Well, it's a great time to get your shopping done early this year. The Crunch has compiled a list of admirable gifts that your recipient will enjoy without breaking your budget. Take the Teddy Bear Lamp from Uncommon Goods. Did he come back from the vet with his cone put the wrong way? Is his head on fire? HAHA! No one knows....

Head on over to Archie McPhee and pick up strange sundries for your friends and family. Featured here are squirrel underpants. There is also a highly-recommended inflatable fruitcake.

At Mental Floss, there is a periodic table shower curtain. Reading material no longer needed in the bathroom with this fine accessory. The perfect gift for the child who will yell in 8th grade, "That table is on my shower curtain!" and then will be mocked and scorned until the 10 year reunion when all those punks are working at Arby's and Dr. Periodic Table on the Shower curtain just came up with the cure for cancer.

Baron Bob is offering a special Yule Doo ornament. I can't top the description from the website: The Yule Doo Christmas Ornament can turn a crappy holiday into an even crappier one. This magnificent piece of poo is sprinkled with glitter and comes ready to hang with a red & green satin ribbon. Fear not, the Yule Doo ornament is unscented. Also of note: the Runny Nose shower gel dispenser.

And last, you can always run over to the clearance section of Crazy Goods.Here is my serious list of some of the best Baltimore stuff (you can ship and order online too!):

Glarus Chocolatier- My friend Angela found this delight when visiting Baltimore. So I can't take credit but I can say. it is, hands down, the best chocolate I have ever had. And I've had a lot of chocolate. Everything from this store is fantastic.

Your Body Needs Signature Blends- My friend Rose has her own line of lotions and potions made from 100% pure essential oils. Now, not only is Rose the nicest person in the world, so I think she infuses her blends with good karma, but these products smell heavenly, natural, and fresh. Her website has a great chart for picking the right blend for you.

I'll have more as time progresses and it becomes impractical to order online. Procrastinators unite! Oh and one more thing:

Potty All the Time!

Women have a lot of crazy stuff to do in the bathroom. There's a lot of navigation for us that men don't have to go through.

I've always been fascinated by the bathroom. When I was a kid, it was a way to take a break from a boring dinner out, or wander around aimlessly. It apparantly was also a way to drive my mother batty, knowing that as soon as we got somewhere I would have to go. And it's not like she could say no; because I might really have to go. There's something unsettling about a 7 year old who is really excited to go check out the bathroom.

Anyhoo, I wish I could say I grew out of it, but nay. A weak bladder and a sense of misadventure gives you an appreciation of a nice bathroom. Best bathroom I have ever been in? Has been when I was visiting my friend Angela's last hotel of employment, the JW Marriott Starr Pass in Tucson. I would pay to simply stay in the bathroom.

Worst? This port-o-potty in Italy featured to the left that was just a hole in the plastic, and then before you could say holy manicotti disinfectant was sprayed all over the bottom of the thing, soaking feet as well. It's apparantly the one thing in Italy that is done in haste. Everything else, luggage delivery, eating, directions, takes a freakin' half of a day. I emerged reeking of Pine-Sol and no better for it.

Is it weird to say I feel safer in an airplane lavatory? For some reason I've always envisioned that if the plane went down, I would be safe, screeching to a halt and fully encapsulated in the pod of the bathroom.

Is it weird that when I worked for the Air Force as a civilian I was the only girl in our building, which made me the only one to use the bathroom, which made falling asleep for 2 hours on the toilet one day due to "college stress" (i.e. staying up until 4am watching Mystery Science Theater 3000) seem pretty normal, since it was my bathroom anyway? Well, don't answer that, I know it's weird.

But then I was thinking about it. My friend Stephanie and I went to the REM concert at the outdoor Merriweather Post Pavilion in Columbia, MD the other day. As with most concerts, the bathroom line was long and the bathroom was disgusting. By the time I got up to the stall, got in, it was too late to bow out just because the door didn't lock. Without missing a beat, I adopted the following stance:

As you can see, I had a sizable purse, which could not be put on the ground for fear of contamination. So, I clenched it in my teeth. The door didn't lock and there were a lot of people, so I leaned forward and closed the door with my head. Additional challenges include the standard not sitting on the seat, and being unable to obtain a square of toilet paper in the oh-so-helpful dispenser.

It was gross. It was done quickly. But dammit, I felt a rush of pride for my gender. Look at all we endure! As I balanced my forehead against the crappy wooden door that failed to lock, I thought, "wow, I'm a tough chick! look at this! and i know all my friends have done this." Well, except my friend Simona who refuses to use any public restroom.

It was a good feeling. As I ran my hands under the scalding hot water, squirted out the non-existent soap in the dispenser, and pulled the lever only to be gravely disappointed by the lack of a paper towel, I glowed with my pride. Then I went home and took a scalding hot shower and used lot of hand sanitizer, because, let's admit it, I wouldn't have done that unless I absolutely freakin' had to.