Putin On The Ritz

According to this article, Putin gots somethin' to say regarding movies:

Prime Minister Vladimir Putin Tuesday told Russia's top directors that Russian movies were not attracting big enough foreign audiences and the domestic film industry had to

raise its game "We possess a most rich cinematographic heritage, our films traditionally receive prestigious awards at international festivals but our product does not so far have a mass foreign audience," he said.

That meant that "the goals of economic, cultural and humanitarian influence are not being reached," he told the first meeting of the recently created Council on Cinematography.

Which leads to the question of why we don't yet have a Cinematography Czar in the White House since I believe last week a Czar of Potatoes was announced (Dan Quayle). BUT, it also explains a disturbing snippet from Putin's "vacation in the mountains" recently, where he, um, posed for a sleazy romance book cover?

I don't know about you, but it's all coming together for me now. Pushing for better movies? Appearing all Conan in PR pics? I believe if we looked at Putin's bedroom wall, we might see some fan posters of a certain Austrian movie star-turned governor.

Just a wee note; this is what happens when government becomes way too involved in the country. Your president ends up talking about the movie industry. I'm just sayin'.

I'll take an order of Awkward

Why on earth have they not updated the womanly vending machines in public bathrooms? Every single one is like a throwback to 1965, with old font, and complete with the term "sanitary napkin" which describes the 4" thick brick that is dispensed. What the deuce? They now have vending machines in the airport that dispense Best Buy technology. Surely Playtex could come up with something.

When I was five I went to my brother's chorus concert with my mom at the school. I went to the bathroom that was just outside the gym; I knew where it was because I went to school there too, thankyouverymuch. So what did my mother see when I returned? I walked into the gym with a maxi pad on my head.

There's a very good explanation. (good=made sense to me) On those ARCHAIC vending machines in the bathroom there was a picture of a nurse. With a hat on. And since at the school they were free, I turned that metal lever and got me a hat with a nice sticky side to make sure it doesn't fall off your head.

I don't think my mother let me go to the bathroom by myself after that until I was 16. So, although that's one of my favorite "Kathleen was a Strange Child" stories, of whic

h there are too many, I think the whole genre of womanly vending machines needs to be updated.

Anyway, in other lands...

Ok, the beer meeting was ridiculous. I think mojitos would have been a better choice. I haven't seen something so awkward since I walked out of a restroom with a maxi pad on my head. They are planning on meeting again as well. Maybe they can meet in a setting that wasn't planned by your seventh-grade drama teacher.

Royal Ties

With all of the hoopla surrounding the recent Blagojevich senate seat swindle, you'd think people would not be as eager to announce they are talking to Hillary Clinton about "their interest in her seat." (Not to mention, it just doesn't sound good.)

Errr, what exactly is the process for replacing a Senator? New York Governor David Paterson is responsible for picking out the temporary replacement, and all of a sudden there is a rush of people eager to fill the bill. It just seems so...unofficial. I don't understand why there can't be a vote...seems like a big decision for one person.

Not to mention, a voteless decision is a contest for those who have political ties, not those who the public is in favor of. As such, a bunch of political ragamuffins have started talking about how they might want the seat, like it's a Christmas present. "Well, I might want that....." Caroline Kennedy Straussberg ditched the Straussberg part of her name and is running as a Kennedy! Just doesn't seem quite right. Has New York been informed we are now under our own rule, and don't have to follow the political royal bloodlines?

Moving on to other things that don't seem right, but are royal.... Burger King has come out with a man's body spray that has “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

http://www.firemeetsdesire.com

Okay, whoever at Crispin Porter + Boguski advertising is seriously coming up with some loony ideas. Well done!

Weekly Crunch- Oct 31

Votes!

Tuesday is the very exciting day we've all been waiting for... where we can stop seeing these stupid ridiculous ads. And it brings the special people who approve these messages and their followers stand on the side of the road and wave at you, hoping to change your mind through their expression of cheer. Well, voting day doesn't just have to yield you a sticker that "You Voted" that allows you to shout at every person without a sticker "I VOTED! YOU'RE A JERK!" See what the coting attendant says when you ask for some extra stickers, "for your friends".

Marketing News

Gentlemen are being insulted by the new Axe brand packaging. The Axe Detailer Shower Tool??? Are you (and by you I mean Axe marketers) serious??! If a guy was that dead set about not seeming like a wuss in the shower, he'd just scrape his funk off with a trowel.

I might present a new line of "man items" when I have better graphics software at my disposal. I don't think men are fooled by this marketing ploy. Isn't it kind of more wussy to use a specially fabricated "body detailer tool" in the vein of trying to seem manly, then just, you know, slathering up with a var of Ivory? It floats, you know.

Music News

I've had Bell Biv Devoe in my head all week. It goes between the classic hit "Do Me", and "Poison". I want to ask someone to knock me out. I'll take the theme of Gilligan's Island over this.

I'd like to pass on the pain to any of my 1990's bretheren, along with a literary analysis of the song in orange.

Lyrics to Poison :

[Michael Bivins:] Yeah, Spiderman and Freeze in full effect (We don't know who those characters are.)

[Ronnie DeVoe:] Uh-huh

[Ricky Bell:] You ready, Ron? (asking, no doubt, to see if DeVoe is coherent after his mumbled response)

[DeVoe:] I'm ready (Ronnie confirms his conciousness. Everyone is relieved)

[Bell:] You ready, Biv?

[Bivins:] I'm ready, Slick, are you?

[Bell:] Oh, yeah, break it down (Bell is eager to get on with it, perhaps uncomfortable that Biv called him "Slick".)

[Verse 1: Ricky Bell] Girl, I, must(warrrrrn yoooooooooou) (there's danger a'comin')

I sense something strange in my mind

Situation is (seriooooooooous)

Let's cure it 'cause we're running out of time (Bell has no helpful suggestions as to how to cure it, however)

It's oh, so (beautifuuuuuuuuul)

Relationships they seem from the start

It's all so (deadllllllllly)

When love is not together from the heart

[Hook:]It's drivin' me out of my mind!

That's why it's HARD for me to find

Can't get it out of my head!

Miss her, kiss her, love her

(Wrong move you're dead!) So, really, we find that Bell should not have been warning this girl about anything. She is the poison. He should have removed himself from the situation.

[Chorus:]

That girl is POISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON...

Never trust a big butt and smile (This is the song's thesis statement.)

that girl is POISOOOOOOOOOOOOOON..

("POISON!!" - Kool G. Rap) (Good Job Kool G. Rap! (everyone look appreciative. I don't think this guy is all there. His rap name is Kool G. Rap, people.) Awesome! I like the way you say Poison, like ya mean it!)

[Verse 2:]

[If I were you I'd take pre-](-cautiooooooooooooon)

Before I start to meet fly girl, you know?

'Cause in some (portiooooooooooons) (Hmmm. That's a vocabulary stretch just for some rhyming, me thinks).

You'll think she's the best thing in the world

She's so - (flyyyyyyyyyyyy)

She'll drive you right out of your mind

and steal your heart when you're blind

Beware she's schemin', she'll make you think you're dreamin'

YOU'LL fall in love and you'll be screamin', demon, HOO..

[Rap Verse: Ronnie Devoe]Poison, deadly, movin it slow

Lookin for a mellow fellow like DeVoe

Gettin paid, laid, so better lay low

Schemin on house, money, and the whole show

The low pro hoe she'll be cut like an aaa-FRO (Cut like an Afro? I don't understand)

See what you're sayin', huh, she's weighin' you

But I know she's a loser

(How do you know?)

Me and the crew used to do her! (ahhhh! so is Devoe truly a good representative for facts? He obviously has hidden and deep-seeded issue regarding her.)

POISOOOOOOOOOOOON...

[Kool G. Rap:] ("POISON!!")[Mixing of Kool G. Rap's "POISON!!"] (Good job Kool G.! Maybe after this we'll go for an ice cream.)

[Michael Bivins:]I was at the bar, shake, breakin and takin 'em all

And that night, I played the wall

Checkin out the fellas, the highs and lows (Hmmm. So he swings both ways. Interesting.)

Keepin one eye open, still clockin' the hoes (using a stopwatch, perhaps?)

There was one particular girl that stood out from the rest

Poison as can be, the high power chest (the "high power chest" is something a lot of women ask for when going to a plastic surgeon.)

Michael Biv here and I'm runnin' the show Are you Biv? Or are you scared of the lady?

Bell, Biv DeVoe [Ronnie laughs]..now you know! Yo, Slick, blow.. (Slick has gotten a head cold, and they are helping him blow his nose. It brings up a good point..that the song should end so Slick can go get some rest.)

Howdy

After getting highly inspired by Danielle over at Captain Porkchops, I decided to start my own lil' blog talking about all the stuff I find ridiculous. This way too, my friends and boyfriend can get a break from my ranting. Usually it is current events that get me, or silly ideas, it really can be quite random so I am not going to categorize it and we'll see how it goes.

My first topic. The governor from New York. First of all, even though I was born in the state, I had no idea this guy was governor. Name is Spitzer. Which is gross. But most alarmingly, why does he look like a DEMON? Acckkk! Look at his demon eyes! Well, he just got busted for enjoying ladies of the night apparently in our own local town of DC.

So, I think well maybe this is just one demonic picture of him. Nay, friends.Check out demonic Spitzer to the left, where he's wearing his politician frowny face. With his wife who apparantly has had her soul sucked out of her by the Spitzer.

By the way, if you are going to be a jerk and go see prostitute and you are a politician, gee whiz, no better way to go about it then that little town called OUR NATION's CAPITAL. No one is looking for dirt there on political figures, excellent choice.