Facebook Gumshoe

I received an intriguing friend request on my Facebook account:


I do not have the pleasure of knowing Thaddeus. I wonder what he wants from me. I'm sort of inclined to find out. Perhaps he and I can start up a rigorous debate about Malaysian/US economics. Maybe he knows about my blog, and just finds it hilarious.

But on further observation of Thaddeus' friend list, he's a business rep looking to advertise!

Oh, well, since I kind of respect anyone that thinks people just click on confirm so they can have 500 friends, and therefore can sell their product, let me probe deeper. I observe on his public page that he has two different websites, http://mynusystem.com and a Facebook page on Galvanic Spa. Mr. Chan is a purveyor of beauty regimens!

For over two decades, Nu Skin has passionately pursued the creation of products and resources to help millions of people around the world find their paths to a beautiful future. Founded in 1984 with a commitment to providing quality skin care that features only premium, wholesome ingredients, Nu Skin remains true to this "all of the good, none of the bad" heritage today, developing innovative products that support the health and longevity of skin and hair.

Okay, I can roll with that. Well done. But then one of their flagship products raises an alarm flag.

Treatments with the Galvanic Spa System Instrument lasting five minutes or more can enhance the delivery of key ingredients for up to 24 hours. There is also a thingy called the AGELOC. The Galvanic Spa System features a proprietary, patented instrument with four interchangeable conductors:

• Face Conductor—offers all of the benefits of the original fixed face conductor, while adding the flexibility of being removable for other conductor use and other treatment applications.
• Scalp Conductor—this comb-like conductor is easy to pull through your hair, maintaining crucial contact between the conductor and your scalp.
• Body Conductor—three rounded nodes maximize surface area contact for wider coverage and better massaging action.
• Spot Treatment Conductor—this conductor head utilizes a flat, smooth, oval shaped treatment node that centralizes surface contact area. This node provides better contact with the skin and helps deliver a more concentrated treatment.

I have grown concerned about the constant use of the word "Conductor". Maybe a picture will help.

Hmmmmmm.

No, no help.So I find the http://www.nuskin.com website. And it all comes together. The science of this revolutionary product is revealed:



This is an Internal free radical generator on cell's surface. (I know; it looks like a popped zit, eh?)
Together with Purdue University Nu Skin has discovered a previously unknown internal source of aging, this source of internal aging is capable of generating free radicals in the epidermis around the clock.

AROUND THE CLOCK???!!!!!

So, in order to SCOURGE these little deviants you must zap them with the FACE CONDUCTOR! This technology is patent-pending and they have a very serious group of advisors behind this endeavor. None of which look like they have not enjoyed the use of the CONDUCTOR.

In fact, the fellow on the left needs other advisers to tell him that a cornflower blue suit is not the best choice. Maybe Men's Wearhouse founder and CEO George Zimmerman. (Studio Audience applause)

Maybe that dude is his estranged brother, Carl, who wears those suits in defiance to his brother's insistence that he will like the way he looks in Men's Wearhouse suite, he guaraneffin'tees it. Every holiday at the Zimmerman household is a horror as Carl shows up in his thrift store finest and George starts drinking heavily.So anyway, I came up with some startling business research that indicates their patent might not go through. It seems as though some very smart scientists have also been working on similar products:

And the results are amazing:


So in conclusion, no Thaddeus Chan, I will not approve you as a friend on Facebook. I hate to be harsh, but I'm not sure you have my best interests at heart. And I don't want to follow your increasingly dark status updates as the product that you hock goes to pot. I can't travel that road with you, Thaddeus Chan. However, I will leave it up to my legion of readers..a poll is in the sidebar. Please, only one vote per person; I don't want the servers to blow.